Today two ‘big’ sales didn’t come through. 

I guess you could call it ghosting. 

Everything had been going well, the buyer had gone through all the motions of wanting to purchase and then we got to payment... 

And then nothing happened. 

No more messages. 

Just tumbleweed. 

It’s frustrating for sellers when this happens.  

You find yourself checking your payment app every few minutes just in case the money has come through. 

You analyze the conversation. Did you come on too strong? Was it something you said? 

Is he still online? 

Maybe something has come up, you ponder. 

But hours later, nothing arrives and no word. 

You try and make yourself feel better but inside you’re depressed. 

The deal that was, no longer is.  

Why does ghosting hurt so bad? 

Because in your mind, you made the sale and the money was yours. 

You are so certain that the deal is in the bag that you consider the money already yours. 

And now it isn’t. 

Psychologically it feels like the money has been taken from you. 

That you have lost something. 

There’s a psychological term called ‘Loss Aversion’. It basically states that us humans hate losing money (or anything really) more than we like winning. We’re more prone to focus on our losses than on our wins. And according to psychologists, the pain of loss is greater than the positive emotions of gaining. 

And this is particularly the case for the big sales.  

In your mind you’ve tallied that sale against a big bill you have looming, or that new thing you wanted. 

It feels as if you’ve lost that too! 

And of course, we understand that it wasn’t really ours to begin with, but our emotions tell us otherwise. 

That’s the pain of ghosting. It’s loss aversion in action. 

So how do we overcome this? 

For me, as soon as it ‘looks’ as if I’ve made a sale (big or small) I act as if nothing has happened. 

Nothing has sold until the money is in my account. 

I don’t get my hopes up. I expect nothing to happen until it does. Don’t get me wrong, I do a lot of journalling work around making sales and positivity, I’m not a ‘Negative Nellie’ by any manner of means. 

But if I expect that it won’t happen, then if and when it does, it feels great! 

I keep focused on the work and don’t let myself get carried away. 

Some advice:  

Don’t keep checking your payment app or his profile or your messages “just to check” if something has happened. When you do so, you’re becoming fixated and attaching yourself even more to a particular outcome. This will mean you fall harder when it doesn’t happen. 

Let it go. 

Plenty more buyers in the sea is my mantra. If not him, then someone better. Plus, there’s always the chance he will come back another time. 

Don’t be attached to the outcome. Learn to stay focused on what’s important – being the top ass seller you are!