Nov 02, 2021
My Bad Date Chronicles Pt 5

My Bad Date Chronicles Pt 5

A little humor in the mix

There are different types of Dates : People you like who don't like you, People who are amazing but you feel no connection, and then the infamous BAD DATE. Once in a Blue Moon there's the perfect Date but it’s rare. Unfortunately, there are more Bad Dates than good but they are great for laughs with friends so let’s have some fun!

Comment with your own stories, I'm sure we've all been there and you aren't alone. (Some people will use this chance to be mean, but please be nice. This is all in good fun.)

Warning: My nicknames for the guys don't reflect EVERYONE in that profession, just this ONE person in that profession.


The DJ: A little taller than me (plus), very clean kept, gorgeous jet-black hair slicked back (plus), relatively overweight (I prefer a little meat, this was a little more but not a deal breaker), liked to show off his money with black mustang (not needed but okay), romantic (big plus). 

The Meet: We met on a dating app. He said he had seen me around before. This is a long one...

The Date: We agreed to meet at a low-key bar I hadn't been to before. It was nice! It was dark, and intimate. It’s one of those lounge places that have couches instead of chairs. I ordered a Cosmo (trying to summon my inner Sex and The City) and he had a martini. The date was great! He was really amazing. He was funny, charming, great at conversations, and talked about where he was taking his business. He sounded successful, with plans in mind.

Note: You don’t' have to be a VP or CEO to date me BUT I do ask that you be driven and have direction. I don’t want some guy living off unemployment and asking me to buy them something off the dollar menu at McD's. My guy needs to be able to support himself and I can pay for my myself if needed.

We laughed and chatted. At one point he threw my legs over his lap and got close to my face. As amazing as this was going, he was falling into the dreaded friend zone and it was like throwing water on a fire. I was upset.

Really? This guy? Why the friend zone? He seems so sweet and wonderful and I could be happy! WHY!

He leaned in close and I leaned back against the couch and the arm rest. Maybe I could reverse this and we could be a relationship!

At the end of the night, I gave him a big hug and sank into his arms. It felt comfortable, protective, safe, gentle.... perfect. I must find a way around this friend zone blockage thing!

We parted ways but made plans for Date 2. As soon as I got home I was, as you've guessed it, on the phone with every girlfriend and guy friend I could find. This was a Defcon 3 situation! How do I get the feelings to kick in! What’s WRONG with me!

Date 2: We went to the Bookstore, my choice. It’s comfortable and great for conversation! You can observe other people, you can grab books and discuss, there are game books for laughs if needed, and a coffee shop! Everything!

He arrived and found me in an arm chair. I was relaxed but he was hyper like a kid on pixie sticks! We started to chat and he couldn’t stop staring at me. He was obsessed with every move breath I took, every hand gesture I made, how I crossed my legs, everything! It felt a little overwhelming, heavy and it wasn't helping my "friend zone" problem.

"Let's walk around" I suggested. That way he'd have to look forward and stop staring at me! I'm into you too but like, calm yourself!

It didn't help! He kept staring and smiling. I would walk around a kiosk and he would get upset if anything came between his gaze and me for even a moment! Suddenly this independent guy was a lap dog constantly begging for my approval, and attention and I was getting exhausted fast. I started to feel like I was babysitting a child. 

"Can I touch your hand?"

"Sure". I held out my left hand. He held it in his and stroked it with his thumb... There we were... standing in the middle of the book store... with this guy staring at my hand... and stroking it with his thumb... I waited... I waited some more... I started to feel suffocated... STILL STANDING THERE AWKWARDLY! I pulled my hand back.

"Okay, let’s go to another section. Pick where we go" I said trying to add in other things to his focus and get back to that great conversation place again. I was grabbing at books to carry, keep my hands busy and trying to put some distance between us. Was he going to smell my hair next and start to build some shrine to me?

We walked around but nothing helped.

"Let me hold your hand again?"

"Why do you want to hold my hand?" I was losing my patience. Like, GET THE POINT! You need to slow down with the obsessive behavior and just hang out with me like normal people do!

"Please?" I held out my hand and he did the same awkward staring and stroking my hand with his thumb. He was ready to marry me and I was ready for date 2 no kiss. Think I’m joking? Check this!

"You good now" I asked and giggled annoyed but trying to make light of it. "You love my hand huh?"

"It's so smooth. When I feel you it’s like... AH... it’s like when I'm DJing and I have the whole place bouncing off the walls! It’s like that kind of a high!" He was getting more energized by this conversation and I kept falling further and further behind.

"Aw, thank you. That’s so sweet" I said trying to put some ice on the situation and go back to carry books I didn't want but was going to buy anyway.

"You’re so amazing! Like I feel like we're connected! I feel like your my soul mate and life is starting and its freakin amazing!"

Okay! We have officially crossed into nutzo!

"I want to like marry you and get you pregnant and it will be f*** awesome!" He started to stare into my eyes which I am sure were dull and I gave a simple polite smile.

"We need to finish date 2 first. Why don't we take a step back and go back to that" I said with another little giggle that was meant to say 'I'm flattered and we can get there one day... maybe'.

"Your just so f*** amazing! Can I kiss you?" He held my hand tighter as he spoke and then started coming in for a kiss fast. I turned my head.

"I'm sorry. I'm shy. I need to like slowly warm up to people. I just don't move that fast". 

He kept professing his deep love for me and by the end of Date 2 I had to say we were just friends. We could be the bestest of friends and maybe I could get there but for now we were just friends. I was crumpling under the momentous amount of pressure he was putting on me. Date 2 and marriage with kids? No!

He looked destroyed and angry. I worked overtime with the compliments and kept stressing I just needed things to go slower but it was all or nothing for him and he was gone... I felt awful I hurt someone but relieved as well. He may have tried to kill me, skin me and wear me! What happened!

It’s not over!

One Year Later: I'm walking to class. I'm going across campus when a black mustang goes by. The car swerves and the guy jerks his head back to do a double take at me. He practically breaks his neck. I pretended not to notice and stare off into a distance but I instantly recognized him. Could he be calmer now? Could I have my friend back and maybe we could date like normal relaxed people?

The next week, same bat time, same bat place he drove down the street. He stopped and I crossed in front of his car, looked at him and gave my courteous "Thank you" wave. He sat back in the driver seat, his mouth dropped open and looked paralyzed as if some once-in-a-lifetime-chance major celebrity just crossed in front of him. I was admittedly flattered but it also didn't seem like he had gotten over that obsessive behavior. Could I get over it and tame him? Why did he have to be SO much SO fast? It’s so stressful and suffocating! After class I saw him again. He seemed to be tracking my movements.

The 4rth week he said something.

"Hey Corey"

I turned and waved. I'd have to park across campus and find some backway into the building I needed. He pulled over next to where I was walking. "Corey".


"Do you remember me?"

"DJ Johnny right?" (Name changed).

"Yea!" Again, he fell back against his seat like the celebrity on stage had just pointed to him specifically in the audience. I felt a momentous amount of pressure on my chest and it was getting hard to breathe. He was a weight and I was being snuffed out.

"How’s it going? You taking classes?" I tried to keep it casual.

"No. I was dropping my friend off. Hey can we get something to eat after your class? Let's catch up and be friends". I stared at his hopeful eyes. He said "friends" but he meant something else. I felt bad and honestly, I have a really hard time saying no. My stomach started to turn.

"Sure. We can grab like a burger or something." Hard to make THAT a date. A fast-food burger!

After class he was outside in the same spot. He had definitely been tracking my movements.

"Hey, hop in!"

"My car is right over there. I can meet you there." I'm a control freak. I don't want to be at someone’s mercy. What if he takes me somewhere and I can't leave?

"We are going right down the street."

"Yea, and I want to put my books in my car. I'll meet you."

"Hop in. We'll grab a burger, then I'll drive you to your car." GR! He wasn't going to let up! I went against my gut and got in.

Same gorgeous black mustang, top down, and I look good in it.

We grabbed Burger King and I ate my Whopper, Fries n a soda. We chatted. He hadn't been up to much. Conversation was light though and nice. Then my phone buzzed with a text.

"I need to go back to campus. I have some work to do for one of the professors."

"Is that where you work?"

"I'm doing some work there. I have more than 1 job to pay for school."

"Cool, let me drive you!"

He drove me and I had him park a few buildings away.

"Hey, this was fun. I'd like to stay friends."

"Corey, I can't be your friend. I LOVE YOU" he said.

"Corey" I heard someone yell across campus. I turned and saw Professor Lidel.

"Hey Professor. I'm on my way! I'll be right there!" He smiled and waved. 

"You have time" he called back and walked behind some buildings.

"You aren't going in here?" He looked at me and gestured to the building I had him drop me off in front of.

"Yea. I need to grab some stuff in this building and then he's in another building."

"Why didn't you just have me drive you there?"

"Because its further into campus not near a road" I responded. "This is fine!"

"You lied to me."

"OH MY! I need to run in here first! Why is this a big deal!"

"Because I like you and you lied to me!"

"I'm sorry. I just don’t have time for a relationship right now. I just got out of a relationship and it was really bad and I just can't commit to something right now. You’re so amazing, but I just need to heal and have friends right now. I have to run in here, get some papers and go. I have classes and two jobs and homework and-"

"I get it" he said. He put his foot down on the gas pedal and drove off.

I genuinely believe it was freak accident that first day he saw me on campus. Maybe I wouldn't see him again? WRONG!

I ran in the building. I couldn't find anything to grab so I went to the bathroom, waited a few minutes and then left and went to Lidels Office. I filed paperwork, responded to emails and then took off. It was easy.

The Next Week: I was in Lidels Office again.

"Hey Corey" Lidel said getting ready to ask me a serious question.


"This is very awkward for me but I just want you to know, your friend was in here earlier."

"Okay..." Where was this going?

"I just think you should know; he had some not nice things to say about you. He was warning me about you?"

"What" I shrieked. This didn't make sense at all. "What were they saying?" What could anyone possibly say about me to Professor Lidel? He's not even my Advisor.

"Listen, I'm just telling you to warn you that maybe you need different friends. He made some accusations that I know aren't true. He was pretty persistent and I told him that I wasn't interested in what you do outside of work, you were a good employee and I was going to keep you."

"What is going on!" My mind was racing to every person who would possibly have access to my jobs. This wasn't making any sense.

"Johnny? You just need to know he was saying things about you to get me to fire you."

"LIKE WHAT!" I was part scared, part panicked and part furious.

"He said things like you were a prostitute and addicted to cocaine and meth." I went ballistic!

"What?! I'm NOT! That doesn't even make SENSE! Do you know what meth heads look like? My skin would be full of pock marks and my fingers would be black and cocaine and prostitution? It’s not true! ITS NOT TRUE! I will take a drug test right here, RIGHT NOW and my friends can tell you that I'm boring! I'm literally the MOST boring. They go to parties and clubs and I am in my apartment studying. I"M THE SOBER DIVER FOR GODS’ SAKE!"

"COREY! CALM DOWN! I know it’s not true. I'm telling you because that person is obviously not safe. I think you should be aware and keep him out of other places you work. I shut down the situation. I told him I don’t care what you do outside of work, you don’t bring it in here and I didn't want to hear any more. He got mad and left. Who is he?"

"I honestly don't know. We went on 2 dates a YEAR AGO!"

"Well, I don't think he'll be back."

The next month I watched my back as I walked to class, to work, to my car. I didn't see him. It’s been a month and he's still gone. HOW CRAZY!! What would he have done if we HAD been in a relationship and THEN broke up? Killed my family? I don't have a photo for campus security but they are aware and have his description.