My Bad Date Chronicles Pt 4
A little humor in the mix
There are different types of Dates : People you like who don't like you, People who are amazing but you feel no connection, and then the infamous BAD DATE. Once in a Blue Moon there's the perfect Date but it’s rare. Unfortunately, there are more Bad Dates than good but they are great for laughs with friends so let’s have some fun!
Comment with your own stories, I'm sure we've all been there and you aren't alone. (Some people will use this chance to be mean, but please be nice. This is all in good fun.)
Warning: My nicknames for the guys don't reflect EVERYONE in that profession, just this ONE person in that profession.
The Bookstore Guy: I should switch this to 'a little death in the mix'? My last long-term relationship was with a mechanic and as I had problems with my car, he would explain things about the car and fix it.
THE GUY: My height, tan, dark hair, green eyes, a little hair on his jaw line and honestly, pretty hot.
THE DATE: I'm not sure I can call it a date since it wasn't planned, it just sort of happened to be a meet that started to become a date and took a hard, immediate left turn.
I went to the book store for coffee. Maybe you read one of my other articles and know I love bookstores. I love to read about random things so I wandered the isles. I scoped out the Travel section, psychology, science, and History was where I saw him. He was kneeling and had some book open in his hands. I LOVE eyes. I know some people love another body part more but I think everyone LOVES eyes. He just looked at me as I got my stuff and sat down. I got my coffee - not a chai but a roasted marshmallow with milk and liquid sugar. You have to say liquid sugar or they give you the granulated and it settles at the bottom.
"Can I sit here?"
I looked up and it was him.
"You look interesting" he said and sat down.
"What makes you say that" I asked. I already agreed with him. I think I am interesting because I'm interested in just about everything and always looking stuff up.
"You have a variety of books" he said.
We kept talking and he was hitting all the right boxes. He is going to school, a little older than me, has a Management job which pays the bills but he's hoping to move up in the company or a different one after he graduates, has his own Condo... and I'm melting into these amazing eyes that are transfixed on me.
We start talking about bad dates and share stories. We talk about some of our crazy friends and tell embarrassing stories. He's hysterical and he says he likes my smile and laugh...
Finally I went there and asked "Why are you single?"
He laughed, nudged my knee with his hand and said "You go first. Tell me why your single".
"I think there aren't a lot of good guys out there... It seems like most of them are taken and my friends regale at my stories of bad dates which now you've heard some of them and I think we can agree those were not winners" we laugh in agreeance. When we stop, I asked again "So what about you? Why are you single? Why hasn't someone locked you down?" I gave a little laugh but was more serious and genuinely curious. What was I missing? Not one red flag so far!
He laughed and put his head down the looked up at me from the side and said he was into some eccentric things...
My mind raced... eccentric... that could mean anything! Does he dress up like a baby? Does he want me to wear a dildo? does he like bondage? Is he a swinger? One cop I dated said a lot of people have sex with dogs, did he want his dog to have sex with me? That is fun for some people but for me it’s a hard "No". There was a long pause where I just stared at him wondering what this could possibly mean...
"Okay... you need to be less vague" I said and lift one eyebrow intrigued. This might mean he's extremely interesting in bed and I could cum a lot. This could be a great thing!
He leaned closer. I had my hands around my coffee. He took my hand in his and ran his fingertips over the back of my hand. His voice got low and quieter.
"I'd want to do stuff to you".... I did a quick mental check... nope that didn't eliminate anything that had previously ran through my mind good or bad...
"That could still be anything" I said with a little laugh, still playing it cool. I was tensing up and bracing myself but I trying to keep my hand relaxed in his hand as he kept drawing circles with his fingertips...
"Well to start" he leaned in closer and I leaned further back. I wasn't sure what I was about to get into and started to feel rather trapped. "I'm a Dacryphiliac.."
I heard that term before in psychology class... da-CRY-philia...
"You get off on my tears" I said I was remembering it from class and then looked at him. "You want to make me cry"
"Yea but more than that." Was this about to get much worse? The demented curious side of me wanted to know.
"I want to lock you in cage by the bed when I'm not at home and have you sleep there"
"In.. a.. cage.." I'm not into it. I know some friends who roleplay that are but I don't think they LIVE in it, they just role play the BDSM thing. "and sleep in it? Like all the time?" I caught myself trying to bargain on something I was not going to give on. A brief role play okay but all the time? What if I'm hungry or need to pee? This guy was SO PERFECT in every other way!
"Yea and like I want to shock you"
"Okay what?" I took my hand back and took a sip of coffee. He reached for my hand again but I put it on my lap. "No no, explain. You want to shock me? With what!"
"A car battery." I guess my voice had gotten louder because his was almost inaudible. Then I definitely got louder.
"What?" I said at normal volume. "That would hurt!"
"No it doesn't. It feels like a pinch".
"A pinch?! Are you kidding me?" Here is where I should have gotten up to leave but for some reason unbeknownst to me, I applied some logic and argue. I don't know what’s wrong with me! "A car battery would HURT."
"No, it doesn't" he tried to convince me and calm me down like I might enjoy this. AGAIN, I am sure there are people who would love this and get off on it but pain is not my thing. I respect you and your interests but for me it’s a dealbreaker.
"How do you know? How do you know that doesn't hurt? To me a battery to the tongue hurts and I wouldn't want that" I was on a roll now. My mind was racing with all different scenarios and none of them good. "Have you tried this on someone? How do you know that wouldn't kill me? Do you know how many volts it takes to stop a human heart? 9. 9 Volts" My mind was racing and my mouth kept going. "And do you know how many volts are in a car battery? A CAR BATTERY! That’s like anywhere from 330 Cold Cranking Amps to 950 Cold cranking amps. Do you know what those are? That’s the power the battery would need to start a car in zero degrees! and YOU want to shock ME with THAT?" I wasn't sure how many volts that comes out to be but I think that’s more than 9 and if it isn't, I'm am absolutely positive it would hurt like hell, and feel like a lot more than a pinch. I stood up. This guy was perfect in every other way but I couldn’t' give on ANY of this.
"WAIT" he said.
"Yea no... there’s nothing you can say... CAR BATTERY?!"
I left and went to my car. I guess that’s my MO - run away to the car. I turned the key, the car started and I shuttered. A ton of electricity had just ran through my car, turned on the lights, started the engine, all of it and now it was running. I shuttered again thinking how scary that would be against my skin and that same electricity running through my body. Yea, I'm pretty sure that would kill me or come very close to stopping my delicate heart. That would be torture and who likes torture? Serial killers. Did I just date a possible serial killer? or a regular killer? Was I going to be his first kill? Had he tried this before? AH! Shutter. And now I need a new book store! This time none of my friends were available to chat and I had to tell someone. I had class with a teacher that I happen to be friends with.
"A CAR BATTERY" I wailed. "That would kill someone wouldn't it?"
My teacher threw his head back in laughter. He had heard many of my stories but this one so far had taken the cake.
"Where do you find these people" he threw back his head again laughing, crying and barely able to say the words. He sighed, wiped his face and calmed down. His reaction made me smile. He sighed again. "Where do you find these people?"
"The BOOK STORE. Shouldn’t' it be safe in the book store? Where are my lovable geeks?"
My teacher laughed again and sighed "You need to go somewhere different. Go hang out in a bar or something" he giggled. "Okay, have a seat. I need to start class".
I made a "PFT" noise to his bar suggestion with a smile and sat.
I still haven't looked up the conversion but that’s no pinch!