Nov 02, 2021
My Bad Date Chronicles Pt 1

My Bad Date Chronicles Pt 1

A little humor in the mix

There are different types of Dates : People you like who don't like you, People who are amazing but you feel no connection, and then the infamous BAD DATE. Once in a Blue Moon there's the perfect Date but its rare. Unfortunately, there are more Bad Dates than good but they are great for laughs with friends so let’s have some fun!

Comment with your own stories, I'm sure we've all been there and you aren't alone. (Some people will use this chance to be mean, but please be nice. This is all in good fun.)

Warning: My nicknames for the guys don't reflect EVERYONE in that profession, just this ONE person in that profession.

 

The Hospital Nurse:

I got out of my comfort zone and decided to get on a few dating websites.

THE GUY: One particular person to respond had a profile picture of only his abs. He's clearly in shape but that does not boyfriend make, I need some intellect too. His profile says he's taller than me (win), doesn't smoke (win), doesn't do drugs (yes), profession (okay), no kids (do-able) and he's messaged me!

THE CHAT: We started out with a few basic questions like what do you do for a living? He said he works as a nurse at the hospital up my street. I'm interested in medical stuff so that should make for some good conversation. So far, this guy is really good! Then he asked me out for coffee.... hmm... I asked if we could exchange pictures because I'm not shallow but there is a thing as physical attraction! He refuses...

"umm what" I respond. Huge red flag warning! 

"I'm hot. Everyone says I'm hot" he assures me. 

He won't send it because he works at a hospital and wants to keep his anonymity. Yea I get that but this isn't like a fetish site, its a regular dating site and its in private chat! He gets really pushy promising me I wont' be disappointed and I started to get frustrated.

"I've never been turned down by a girl. The only problem is if I want you" he says. Wow, confident or conceded? I am already one foot out the door and we haven't met yet.

"I'll be at Starbucks at 3pm with my book. I don't care if you show up or not" I respond.

Then he asks me for MY photo. Um yea I’m not going to do that! You won’t' show me yours, you’re not getting mine, see how childish it is?

He still refuses but asks how he'll recognize me.

I said I would be the only one my height, weight, blonde hair a little past my shoulders reading a book and I'm done chatting until he wants to share a photo.

THE DATE: I'm annoyed but still nervous, who isn't on a blind date? I walk in and there's two guys in conversations to my right by the door (not him), an empty 2 top table, four people sitting and chatting by the bathrooms (not him) and another couple who look like they are studying together (not him). She has a notebook, 6 books and it looks serious. I guess I got here first.

I take my little book and set it in chair at the last 2 top available and get in line. I'm getting more nervous than annoyed and want to be open minded. I decide to treat myself.

"Venti Chai Latte please". It’s my favorite drink so I only have it once in a while as a personal treat to myself.

I pay and I'm waiting while they make the drink. I keep looking at the doors. People are coming in, ordering drinks and then leaving (not him?). Maybe he saw me and took off? It’s possible. The group of 4 are in constant laughter and I want to be part of that group, the two guys at the door are talking about politics and loving it. Then I notice the guy from the study group. He stands up, stands over her and seems a little angry. I know I shouldn't but I start to listen in.

"We were JUST TALKING! You said you would be here with your books and we were JUST TALKING!" he's yelling. I wonder what they must be disagreeing on. They have so many books open I can't even guess at what they are studying. She has beautiful handwriting and notes everywhere - notebook, notecards, in the book’s margins.

"Chai Latte".

I get my coffee and he still hasn't arrived making him late if he's even going to show. I start to walk back to my table.

"You said you would be here with a book and I'm here!"

I screamed and dropped my wallet! The place goes quiet. It’s all clicked! THATS HIM! THATS HIM AND HE THINKS SHE"S ME!

I pick up my wallet, and everyone is staring at me. I look around - he is so far from anything cute and not like his profile at all! He's staring at me. Everyone is staring at me as I walk to my chair... what to do next so he doesn't see me? I sat on my book. If anyone noticed, no one said anything and went back to their own conversations. 

He's short, in shape, not attractive, not shaven or trimmed in anyway, and is really getting mad at this girl.

She has light brown hair but otherwise meets my description pretty well. I get my phone from my pocket and start dialing friends.

"please pick up" I whisper over and over.

"Corey!" my friend yells into the phone.

"SSSHH!".

The guy stares at me. I look out the window but I can see his reflection and he goes back to talking to the girl.

"Where are you" my friend whispers.

"I'm at the coffee shop, with a book in my ass, and watching a girl on my bad date"... my friend erupts in laughter. 

"that’s not how you read a book Blondie".

"You won’t believe what’s happening right now. Can you hear the people in the background? Listen" I whisper back. 

"I DON"T LIKE YOU" the girl at the table yells.

He yells back "ALL WOMEN LOVE ME! I am a GOD. I spoke to YOU on the dating site and YOU said to meet YOU here! I'm DUMPING YOU" He storms out.

"What’s going on?" my friend asks.

She's confused and angry after being approached by what she has clearly determined to be a crazy guy and starts to pack her books up. Clearly she can't study here with crazy locals.

"You won't believe this" I squeal into the phone, "This poor girl totally took the bullet for me. Dudes a total jerk and he dumped me at her. I feel like I should get her a gift card..." I can't hide my giggles and got in line again

"What?" my friend whispers.

"Hang on a minute" I whisper back but as I got to the front, she had packed up her stuff angrily and stormed off to her car through the side door.

"Can I help you?"....

"Helllloooo, what can I get you?"... I watched the poor woman leave and wouldn't be able to run fast enough to catch her to explain. I felt for sure she would see the humor in it too.

"I'm sorry" I tell the Barista. "I thought my friend could meet me but I don't think she will anymore..."

I grabbed my book, tucked it into my jacket incase the guy was the parking lot and ran to my car. Now safely locked within its doors and the coast clear "OMG So this guy-"

 

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