Be My Bitch
Self Respect In Sex Work
“You’re such a slut!”
“Who do you think you are?!”
“She’s so desperate for attention.”
“Say, ‘Thank You’.”
It’s ingrained in us all as girls to cover up, be polite, cross our legs, accept come-ons gracefully, and learn to take insults as compliments. My struggle with self-respect has been a long and winding road and most women would say the same. I was an EXTREMELY shy child and young adult. To be honest, I still get anxious in public talking to people. I was raised to accept the hug, never take up anyone’s time and apologize for simply existing. What a turn of events to show up here and sell porn! Ha! Sometimes I can’t even believe it myself. But it’s been really good for me, and I know most successful sellers get something deeper out of selling sexual products. Some of us want to find ourselves, some just need the money and end up enjoying it, some of us are moms who never took the time to do anything selfish until now. Like.. honestly.. what a beautiful fucking rainbow of women?!
To the outsider, it sounds crazy, but I know most sellers can relate to really figuring out who you are while doing sex work. We’re forced to form clear and rigid boundaries quickly, to figure out what we like and don’t like, and what we will and will not put up with. Recognizing bullshit in just one sentence is a sex worker superpower. And if you’ve never done it before, stating your worth in dollar signs is fucking scary. It’s a skill and it takes time to assign an amount to your time and body. Women tend to be givers, and because of that, it can be the hardest challenge to overcome.
There’s no shortcut to figuring this out and that’s what I love most about it. I enjoy the challenge of figuring out how to make this my own. I like that if I’m not motivated to create and be creative, I will fall to the wayside. It’s cutthroat but it’s also totally up to each individual. Our success and failure are almost entirely up to us, and those look different to each seller. Not having to depend on anyone else is literal bliss for someone like me.
But selling is also really challenging. In fact, it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had. I’ve seen and felt disapproval from people outside the industry, which can be disheartening. A lot of women are brainwashed into judging each other for one reason or another, whether it be religious or jealousy-driven. For that reason, you’ve gotta know why you show up here and be secure in that. That’s why most of the women you’ll find here are incredibly strong, badass chicks. We have to be.
Judgment doesn’t only come from the outside, though. It can also come from fellow sellers. We all feel and experience jealousy; that’s normal. Reviews, ranking systems, and images are a breeding ground for the big green monster to rear its’ ugly head. That’s why it’s immensely important to figure out who you are, what you bring to the table, and have a fair amount of self-esteem before even entering the ring. We are forced to battle our insecurities because there’s no alternative. And it’s palpable when ladies want to bring other sellers down and buyers can sense it too. I’ve been guilty of it myself.
Now.. I’ve failed and fucked up many times. I’ve opened my mouth when I should’ve kept it shut. I’ve inserted myself where I didn’t belong. I’ve forgotten an order like I would forget to pay a bill. I’m not perfect, after all. Not even close. But, I am honest as they come. I can rub people the wrong way, but I know I always have good intentions. I knew this about myself before but SW helped me get even more honest - with my intentions, my offerings, and what I truly love about myself.
I think most sellers would agree that sex work helped them know themselves more, and I can’t think of anything that shouts "self-respect" more than that!